If you live in New York, every day brings a bag of mixed emotions. The morning may be the worst morning of your life, and in the blink of an eye the afternoon can be the reason you were born. You are thrown into situations you thought Seinfeld had only imagined, and just when you think that you have a handle on your life, something happens that makes you look into the sky and laugh just for the sheer ridiculous-ness of it all. The only constant in New York is hunger. Whatever the occasion, you are going to need to eat. These are the essential four restaurants you’ll need for every typical NYC occasion:

The Break-Up Restaurant

Jin Fong, Chinatown. Because it’s impossible to be louder than hundreds of families all squabbling over har gao and succulent chicken feet. Yell as loudly as you want and throw hot tea in his/her face. Chances are, no one will even notice.

The Secret Eater Restaurant

Cowgirl, West Village. Indulge in Mason jars filled with margaritas and Frito bags spliced open and layered with chili, cheese, sour cream, and hot sauce. Grab a copy of the stupidest magazine that you can and eat as many chili pies as your stomach will possibly allow. Don’t worry, foodies rarely go here. Your secret is safe.

The Telling Your Parents You’re Gay Restaurant

Lucky Cheng’s , East Village. The food is generic, the menu is pricey, and the drinks are weak, but compared to all the gorgeous drag queens roaming around this opium den-chic eatery, you will look like John Wayne to your parents. Suddenly, it isn’t’ such a big deal after all.

The Got in Trouble With the Boss Restaurant

Lantern’s Keep, Midtown. This cocktail lounge hidden in the boutique Iroquois Hotel features artisan cocktails and skilled bartenders who will create a drink specially designed to suit your needs. The jewel box of a room is small enough to sit alone and cry into your Poet’s Dream without being noticed, and the cheese plate serves as a welcome reminder that while jobs may come and go, dairy is forever.