I’m all for being healthy. For looking good in a bikini. For eating locally and seasonally. But … I’m also not an idiot. Chances are you aren’t, either. So why are personal trainers, nutritionists, and doctors treating us like we are? Here are a few food lies that they tell us that we know aren’t true:

“Kale chips taste just like potato chips.”

No, they do not. They are crunchy, they are salty, and they are certainly delicious. But they don’t make me crave a bowl full of spinach artichoke dip and a road trip.

“You will never guess that this doesn’t have meat in it.”

Yes, I bet I will. I love lentils as much as the next gal, but a spiced lentil patty really doesn’t have the same taste as a grilled cheeseburger with bovine juices dripping down my arm.

“If you have a piece of fruit, it will totally alleviate your craving for sweets.”

Either this was said by a 7-year old or a man, because any woman who has ever had PMS knows that a nectarine will not stand in for a king-sized Kit Kat Bar.

“Use a smaller plate and you will feel eat less. It tricks your mind.”

No matter how small the plate is, if my stomach is growling at 9 p.m. after my demitasse-sized serving of lasagna, chances are, I’m going back for seconds. Or fourths.

“Sometimes when you think you are hungry, you are really thirsty.”

This is never true. Not once. I never in my life have confused, “Hmm, I feel parched,” with, “Gee, I would sell my firstborn for a cobb salad.”

“Eating in season will always satisfy you. You won’t crave out of season foods at all.”

Try telling that to me in the middle of winter, when I have been known to pay obscene amounts for tomatoes from Chile because if I eat one more bowl of butternut squash soup, I will have a fit.